why the hell is life sometimes just like that? I hate it and espacially I hate Martin right now. Why doesn't he let me know what's up?
I haven't seen him foor six weeks and haven't heard anything from him for about three weeks altough he promised to call me and futhermor I'm not able to call him because everytime I try a nice voice (actually I hate this voice) tells me "the person you are calling is not available at present"!*brauper*>_
I just could cry and I don't know what to do, why is he like that?
toki ni ha itsumo soba ni inai
nani ga taisetsu na
you aren't there if I need you
you don't even try to understand what is importent to me
nanika wo eru tame ni
nanika wo ushinatte
daremo ga kizutsuiteru
everyone has sorrow within
whenever we win somethig, anything else fade away
kono oozora no shita de kowasarete
hito ni giri de...
boku no yowaki na taido ni kimi no koe ga
hi wo tsukete kureta kara
under this edless sky, you made me fall in love with you,
this was a very simple victoty
and it was your call, which inflamed the fire in my timid heart
kono ooki na omoi ga todokanai nara
hito omoi ni...
boku no konagona no kokoro ni kimi no yubi de
saigo no to-do-me wo sashite
if my heart can't grasp this overwhelming feeling
kill me right now
make the fatal blow with your own hand
and break my heart into pieces
Silver Moon Witch. you are the moon witch. you are
peaceful,solitary,and full of logic. some will
even comapre you to the godesses. your song is
"a winter's tale" by AFI
What witch are you? (gorgeous pics - 7 different results)
brought to you by Quizilla
~Viviane wrote this poem for me to send it Martin because I can?t find the right words, but I?m not certain if I will send it to him.
I really like it~
alles auf einmal
die sch?nste Sch?nheit,
alles auf einmal
nichts ist mehr da,
wo ist es hin?
kann Nichts mehr klar sehn
ob?s noch besteht?
Verwirrung ohne Grenzen,
kann nicht mehr klar sehn,
willst du mich verletzen?
Kanns nicht verstehn.
auch die Erinnerung,
so gern gelebtes sein.
Doch sie ist bei mir,
ich f?hl mich so allein
Yesterday I thought a lot, pobably even too much O?, about him and Raffael. And after comparing these feelings I found out, that I love Martin, I love him so much and I am longing and craving for him, I want to hug and to kiss him ;_; that isn?t funny at all.
And Raffael... I have to confess that I even let him kiss me,but I wouldn?t have kissed him out of my own intention. I?m so stupid, how can anybody be so stupid? At that moment I felt so, argh I dunno, so lonely and wanted somebody to hold and to comfort me and in the end Raffael was just a replace for Martin.
I?m so ashamed of myself that I did anything like that, it isn?t because I kissed anyone else but my boyfriend( he said do what you want, gather experiences. And in the and I?m not even sure if we are still a couple, hell, what should I think if he doesn?t reply )(stupid somehow, isn?t it?)but I?m not sure how Raffael will feel when he finds out that I don?t love him( I never said I do), but in the end I don?t know what he feels and what I am for him...
Crying have been everything I was able to to yesterday at home and so I called Viviane who listened patiently. One hour later she called me back and it was her part to cry. And so passed time during we blackbite about boys.tehe We honestly thought about becoming lesbians... but that won?t be a solution, I fear...^^?
I read one of my old diary entries and I just thought, Oh my gosh!
He told me he would always there for me, but where is he right now? Can anybody tell? Not here, right!>_<
Raffael called me and he said he would be very glad to meet me again as soon as possible.*inner ?outcry* *beating the head doby-like as hard as possible against the wall in order to punish me for not telling him what?s up* the only thing I was able to say was, ?yes, would be fine to see ya?. But never the less I said, ?no next weekend I don?t have time, have a lot to do (what isn?t true), the next after the next I?ll visit Vivi in Hamburg( whats true) and the weekend after that I will visit my grandma and other relatives(what?s true too).?
This "what kind of whitch are you" quiz is so stupid, I?m definite not sincere what concernes my feelings, oh my gosh, I don?t wanna hurt him...*mega drops*
But I shoudn?t cry and mey would probably say: ?Selbst Schuld!!!? and she is right. ~