+ Afraid To Fly...?! + Photobucket"




So, just a few days ago I brocke up with Martin, finally I thought, hey what does it bring to wait for this guy until I die. Hell everything is so stupid.

Living in a dream didn't help anymore and my hope faded slowly away, time to wake up and to go on. I cried so much, I haven't felt so desperately for a long time.

hell, I'm so stupid instesd of going forward everything stay at the same point, instead of being free I' just started to drown my sorrow in a new relationship.
Just such a coward but somehow it is so hard to stand reality, I don't want anymore, it is just so comforting to lay in someones arms, nothing more but knowing that there is somebody who care about you.

And the wordt and the best at the same time is, that I still love him, so much that he is everywhere in my dreams, I'm longing for him want to be with him but I know thee is no way.

oh jesus(or whoever, mybe the universe?) hekp me to get strong, to stand this reality, it was a beautiful dream and it was a really good time, maybe even the best time since now. I will try to save all good memories and to continue living, making them my strenght ym resource of power.
31.12.05 11:10


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overslept as well

it's almost more than funny that mey and I overslept the same day, because of the same reason.
I din't notice the bell ring and when my mom told mem it's almost eight o'clock, I wa kinda confused, somehow I cut it off still sleeping<_<

I have 11 points in powi!!! It's unbelievable!
19.12.05 12:37


today we have hav our second band meeting and it was a lot of fun!Despite the fact that Kathy and Zori are ill, so they weren't there ;_;

Actually I'm really obsessed with my very, very old CD one of my friends gave to me ,where I found different songs from CCS and now I'm listening to this one song for about 2 1/2 hoursXDD

hey mey, I hope you survived this day, the last time you're always kinda exhausted

cuddle you all, mey, Noi, Viviane, Kyoko, Zori and so on^^
7.12.05 21:29


a poem out of Goethe's Faust

Meine Ruh' ist hin,
Mein Herz ist schwer;
Ich finde sie nimmer
Und nimmermehr.

Wo ich ihn nicht hab',
Ist mir das Grab,
Die ganze Welt
Ist mir verg?llt.

Mein armer Kopf
Ist mir verr?ckt,
Mein armer Sinn
Ist mir zerst?ckt.

Meine Ruh' ist hin,
Mein Herz ist schwer;
Ich find sie nimmer
Und nimmermehr.

Nach ihm nur schau' ich
Zum Fenster hinaus,
Nach ihm nur geh' ich
Aus dem Haus.

Sein hoher Gang,
Sein' edle Gestalt,
Seines Mundes L?cheln,
Seiner Augen Gewalt,

Und seiner Rede
Zauberflu?,
Sein H?ndedruck,
Und ach sein Ku?!

Meine Ruh' ist hin,
Mein Herz ist schwer;
Ich find sie nimmer
Und nimmermehr.

Mein Busen dr?ngt
Sich nach ihm hin.
Ach d?rft' ich fassen
Und halten ihn,

Und k?ssen ihn,
So wie ich wollt',
An seinen K?ssen
Vergehen sollt'!

I just read this poem in the text for my german homework and somehow it eypress so perfectly what I feel that I decided to blog it.
But nevertheless I'm quite different to Gretchen and there is a feeling like hate sometimes, but as one say, only very important persons are able to arouse such strong feelings like love and hate.

I want to believe, I want to believe, I want to believe that everything will end in a good way, but will it ever end?

I want to believe that I'm still his precious person.
None the less he still is it for me.
And it doesn't matter how hard I try, I can't get him out of my heart, out of my mind, but somehow I don't want to.
He gave me so much love and in a way it isn't important how mcuh I suffer, but it does. @_@

*argh*it's just to complicate for my little brain and heart.

Good night
5.12.05 19:45


everytime I'm close to BadSoodenAllendorf I want to be with him.
when we were in the train I hardly thought about leaving train one station earlyer in order to check if he is at home.
And everytime I think about it I automatically think about what I'm going to tell him.
sometimes I want to scream and to blame him, other times I just want to kiss him to hug him...
feelings are a really strange weird thing thatutterly baffles me.again and again and again...

this weekend was just fun! we celebrated Vivianes 18th birthday and it was so wonderfull, ninne and I gave her 18 red roses ~hyuu and everything was all right, we drunk, chated, flirted,just enjoyed the time.

kisses to you
4.12.05 18:30


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